


Ho Ho Holy Shit Ken's drunk on Eggnog

by Lord_Berkut



Series: Wintery FE Fluff [10]
Category: Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02, Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Dicks, Felix is a grinch, RIP SYLVAIN, because of the thrift store chapte, like lots of them., three houses spoilers, thrift stores
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21611611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Berkut/pseuds/Lord_Berkut
Summary: This year Christmas in the order is being handled differently. With help from the peak of crippling depression next to their summoner, even if he's also from another world
Series: Wintery FE Fluff [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/898707
Kudos: 3





	1. Prolouge

“Thank you everyone for attending, some having to be kidnapped, some not.” Shade announced in the common room where everyone was gathered. “I know it’s only November 1st but I’m announcing that we’re starting to plan our Christmas festivities.” 

“What’s a Christmas?” Flayn asked, obviously because she hadn’t been in Askr as long as some of the other heroes, leading her to not know much of Shade’s culture.” 

“Light’s please.” Berkut announced as he came seemingly out of the shadows behind Shade. The lights were turned off and in it’s place was the glow of several candles. “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. That’s what a christmas is Flayn.” The Rigelian prince then seemingly returned to the shadows and the lights were turned on as candles were extinguished. 

“I thought it was about Santa and giving presents to people who have been kind to you.” Anthony said from the front row.

“That as well.” Shade replied. 

“I much rather like this whole concept than the whole Seiros idea.” Edelgard said before she sipped some tea. “May I take this concept for the Adrestian Empire?”

“There’s no real person to credit, it’s just a tradition.” Shade chuckled. “Anyways, there’s more than I can as the one person who really understands this holiday, unlike Halloween which you all understood very easily, I got us some outside help.” 

And that’s when the door that could withstand death itself got busted in by a fucking twink with crippling depression and self worth issues.

“Ho Ho Ho Holy shit you people need some fucking christmas spirit!” 

“Ken it is literally 9 am what the fuck is going on.” Dimitri sighed. 

“Shade enrolled me to give you christmas education. Mainly the Fodlan bastards. Ok I lied Ashe, Bernie and Mercie aren’t bastards.” One quick glance at the crowd seemingly made him retract that statement. “Ok I’m adding Annette and Marianne to the not a bastard crowd.” A quick nod got everyone back on track. 

“We are inviting the Smash Bros squad at the end of this whole shebang so we’re preparing early.” Shade explained. “So Ken’s gonna be here to help y’all prepare properly.” 

“Can we celebrate Garreg Mach and Christmas?” Mercedes asked.

“Yes. We aren’t forcing ya to participate, we’d really appreciate it though.” 

“I do believe it is a message of the gods that we embrace different religions while still following our own divine path.” Lucius explained. “That way there will be true peace because there will be no ignorance of other religions and their traditions, therefore not causing a misunderstanding.”

“Why can’t all religions be as tolerant as Lucius is?” Claude asked.

“Because I am all of his rage bottled into one.” Raven snarled as Lucius pulled out a Nerf gun, shot Raven in the back of the head and put it back into his robes like nothing happened. 

“Also to encourage diversity and unity, we’re allowing everyone to bring in a dish that’s special to them.” Shade announced over the commotion, pretending to not notice the little fist bump Ashe gave Dedue. “And one more rule. ALM AND CLIVE ARE NOT TO BE ON LIGHTS DUTY AGAIN! YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR!” Prompting a head tilt from Annette. “Except the Fodlan kids!” 

“Long story short we got entangled into a very intimate position and Nina wouldn’t stop drawing yaoi porn of us no matter how many times I insisted I was not a consenting adult.” Alm explained to her, a slight tinge of red on his face.

“Now go go go!” 


	2. Peace and Goodwill {Spoilers}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains spoilers for 3H. 
> 
> Also Kronya swallows her pride for once.

“Sir Cichol, Lady Cethleann, a word with you?” Kronya asked, making sure that none of the residents of Fodlan were around. The other person in the library with them was Shade, but her earbuds were in and probably way too loud for her to hear anything. The Nabetean looked up from his work with a very confused expression, one that hadn’t been seen on him since Ragna had joined the Garreg Mach faculty.

“I haven’t gone by that name in years Von Ochs.” This is the part she was worried about, if there was venom left within his words. 

“It’s just…” She gulped as if swallowing her pride before tucking a lock of her red ombre into orange hair behind her ear before taking a seat on a nearby stool. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything me and my ancestors did.” Seteth dropped the needle in his hand and Flayn finally looked up from the card she was making for Sothis. “I know we were a bit too greedy but we didn’t want to rely too heavily on Sothis’ power. She was doing so much and we thought if we made our own technology, we could supply ourselves. When Seiros started to attack innocent Agatharians, I couldn’t hold back any longer. The ones who were in the conflict had already suffered, but harming the innocent is something that goes deep within my morals, or what you call a lack of them.”

“Seiro- Lady Rhea did what!?” 

“Yes. That’s why my people massacred Nabatea, we wanted to call it even. Our goal was never to kill Sothis or make the weapons. We only wanted it to be fair again. Heck, I never even laid a finger on your daughter for her blood. They wanted a weapon for the last of your kind, I only wanted to kill the ones who were responsible in the first place. That’s why we aligned with Edelgard. Your wife…”

“She’s not my wife but go on.” 

“Well Professor Ragna showed me so much kindness and gave me enough hope that I could be free from the chains of history. I only fake stabbed Sir Jeralt just so that I’d get that praise from Thales and kill the bastard myself. I didn’t intend to piss anyone off, especially his children and Ragna. I guess I should’ve let them in on my plan first. So in the spirit of the holidays, do you think we could put the shitshow behind us and start anew?” She stuck her gloved hand out for a handshake. “I believe we have the possibility to reforge the bonds of yore, but without the crazed oedipus complex walking around.” Flayn put her hand out to the other girl’s with enthusiasm.

“I’d love to start a new friendship!” The mint haired girl smiled. 

“If that’s how you feel Flayn, then we shall.”


	3. The Golden Deer (minus Claude) explore the wonders of a thrift shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AKA: I try to expand upon Leonie but in return I end up accidentally make Lysithea obsessed with dicks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of these are real, minus plush Dorte and the Cethleann salt and pepper shakers, I just like looking up odd things found at thrift stores

“Excuse me Leonie but what the actual FUCK did you take us to?” Lorenz asked, looking up with disgust at the building, pumpkin spice latte in hand. 

“It’s called a thrift store. This is where people bring their old clothes for others to buy.” The orange haired girl explained.

“Isn’t that??? Gross????” Hilda asked.

“It’s why we wash things first. I’ve found plenty of nice things here!” Leonie puffed up her chest like a proud puffin.

“Like the paintings?” Ignatz asked. 

“Exactly.” She then turned around after two seconds to see most of the Golden Deer she had dragged along (Claude was the exception, she was shopping for him in particular) trying to head back to the van Shade had loaned them to get to this particular store. A quick fumble in her jacket pocket let her grab the key and lock the van, preventing them from getting out of dodge.

“Come on guys! This’ll be fun!” 

* * *

“Leonie, this place is disgusting.” Hilda muttered after taking half a step into the thrift store. “Wait, where’s Marianne?” 

“Over here.” The blunette replied as she was holding a stuffed horse that resembled Dorte. 

“Marianne! Do you know what funky junk is on that?!” 

“Yo! Look what I found!” Raphael shouted as he held up an unused box of glow in the dark condoms. 

“I thought we threw those out…” Lorenz muttered to which Leonie had to hide her laughter. 

“I found a nice suit!” Ignatz said as he held up a mauve suit with a lavender tie, leading Lorenz to inspect it.

“HOW!? THIS IS AT LEAST A $600 SUIT!!!” 

“I told you this would be fun.” Leonie smirked.

* * *

“Guys look at this!” Hilda laughed as she held up a pink tank top with a sunset shadowed couple followed by I like long walks on the beach, after anal. “This right here is fucking Claude!”

  
“Guys, I think we should send a picture of this table to Dimitri.” Marianne said, still holding plush Dorte while pointing at a lion holding up a glass table top, his pride sticking out in full force. 

“No, we should give this to Ferdinand!” Lysithea said as she held up a teddy bear in full on NSFW bondage gear, thankfully without semen stains. 

“We should get a cart for all of these oddities…” Leonie said, clearly amused by how much dicks could amuse these wierdos who were afraid to step into this store. 

* * *

  
“Why is there a ceramic statue of bunnies fucking?” Ignatz asked himself before grabbing a salt and pepper shaker of Saint Cethleann and Saint Cichol.

* * *

  
“Look at it’s little feetsies…” Rapheal cooed at the boat statue like it was the most precious thing in the world. 

* * *

  
“I have found an offering for Flayn.” Hilda said before smuggling the fish and shoe hybrids into the cart.

* * *

  
“Heh. Penis.” Lysithea chuckled at the E.T. Painting, not knowing that it wasn’t a penis. 

* * *

  
“Well I believe in you Bigfoot.” Marianne smiled to herself before putting a _Bigfoot doesn’t believe in you either_ mug back on the shelf.

* * *

  
“There’s sperm banks and then that’s just ridiculous.” Lorenz sighed before Lysithea snatched it from his grasp and put in the cart. 

* * *

  
“I found a virgin killer sweater for Claude. Today is a good day.” Leonie told herself.

* * *

  
“Kool aid Bowling shoes. And in Claude’s size. Nice.” 

* * *

  
“An alien and Santa hybrid, Shade’s gonna love that.” Raphael and Ignatz nodded at each other.

* * *

  
“Is that a chicken handbag?” Everyone had no words.  
“Nah, that’s a cock block.” Lysithea chanted from the back.

* * *

  
“Ok, how is there 8 Ramen sweatshirts?” Hilda asked.

“It is destiny that we all get them.” Marianne replied.

* * *

  
“HOWDY!” Raphael shouted in a goofy voice while holding a mounted T rex head. 

“Indech!” Ignatz wheezed. 

* * *

  
“I have a moose sweater. I am set.” Marianne seemed very pleased with her rainbow Meese. 

* * *

  
“This is like peak Black Eagle aesthetic but I’m sure Berkut and Shade would like it also.” Hilda muttered before seeing that there was an extra gargoyle toilet paper holder hidden behind other things.  
  


* * *

“Ok, so how much did we spend here?” Leonie asked after everyone got out of the store and their stuff into the van.

“About $30 dollars.” Everyone unanimously said.

“And look at how much stuff we got. Hell, Lorenz even got a new suit.”

“We even shopped for others in the class!” Ignatz said, clearly happy with all of the Cethleann merchandise he got. 

“So do you all see the benefits of the thrift store?”

“I saw so many dicks!” Lysithea cheered. 

“Well you guys do know we also just shopped for Claude as well. He loves this wierd shit.” 

“I’m not giving up my suit!” Lorenz shouted from the backseat of the van, somehow conjuring another Pumpkin Spice latte. 


	4. Blue Lions Decor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aka Felix is a grump and fun to write for

“Boar face, what the fuck did you just buy?” 

“A smoothie.” The prince of Faerghus replied before taking a sip, ignoring the truck full of christmas decor behind him.

“Actually it’s for the house decorating contest. Winner gets something big.” Ashe replied as he walked out to help, despite the hot chocolate from his fellow housemate in hand. 

“I really wanted to do something special. It’s almost been a decade since the tragedy… You know how father and I did something special…” The prince used his free hand to rub his other arm longingly, sadness running through his eyes. 

“Yeah you and your bullshit Seiros spirit was infectious. Everyone got caught with it.”

“Don’t count yourself out Felix!” Sylvain shouted from the roof, hanging up an inflatable sleigh. Only to be met with a rock covered in snow, sending him off the roof and hopefully not onto the snowman that the kids were making in the courtyard despite the safer landing. 

“Felix! Be nice!” Both Ingrid and Mercedes shouted as they hung ornaments from one of the castle’s outdoor trees.

“Fuck all y’all! Y’all can suck my dick!” He then stormed off, slamming the door behind him as he went inside, prompting a lecture that only a dad could give. Most likely Arvis. 

“Bahumbug to him too!” Annette stuck her tounge out. 

“Let’s leave him be.” Dimitri said as he handed off another box of ornaments to the ladies. “Dedue is going to get him some crocs for christmas anyways.”

So the 6 remaining lions worked on the outside of the castle all morning and most of the afternoon until Sharena demanded they come in for hot chocolate and taking a break. Thankfully the only people who would sabotage were either in the room (aka Claude but even then he wouldn’t destroy a friend’s display) or doing something else entirely (Hubert being dragged by Ferdinand, Dorothea and Edelgard to go see The Nutcracker against his will). Who knew someone as big and intimidating like Berkut could make such a delicate hot chocolate?

Once back outside, some how there was a snow lion in the middle of it all.

“That wasn’t us…” Ashe said quietly. 

“Do you think it was Ignatz? He has the eye for fine details like in the mane?”  
“No, him and the deer were planning what to get Seteth for Seiros day, err… Christmas? Whatever they call it here.”

“Then it has to be Felix.” They all unanimously agreed and decided to not push the man further into rage, they fought him enough that day. What nobody realized was that Sylvain was still unaccounted for, face down in the snow. RIP Sylvain I guess, hope he doesn’t get hypothermia. 


End file.
